39 - Moving

Making zucchini boats with brother and sister in law in our old apartment.

Boxes line the walls and stretch toward the ceiling. I spy a weak point and worry that it is far too precarious to place another box. Hands on hips, I survey the room and look for something else that can be placed in a box. Nothing comes to mind. For a moment my mind wanders and I get sad. I think of our next door neighbors and our landlords. I think of the friends that we have made here. A tight knot forms in my chest and I mentally shake myself. We are only moving a few miles away...but things will change. I heave a sigh and select the lucky box to be taken out to the car first. It is a box that has been around this block a few too many times. Packing tape from several previous movings is layered and provides, I pray, an extra layer of support. Though it is most definitely not my last time, I cringe as I walk out the door. Like an omen of things to come, I wonder when I will leave for the last time.

Our living arrangements over the last year and a half have been amazing. I loved our ward, the community, our landlords, location, everything. Sometimes nature just demands change. In our case, a little more space was needed. So when the opportunity arose, we decided to make the move. I am not grateful that we are moving for any specific reason, but more than anything, I am grateful for the idea of moving. Allow me to explain: Moving is a pain. I want to move as little as I have to in my life. However, think about the idea of moving. I can pack up practically everything that I own, place it in a trailer, and head to a new location where I will meet new people, see new things, and have new experiences. I guess more than anything I enjoy the opportunity to meet new people. I feel like moving has to happen sometimes just to remind us that we are a small part of this world and in the end we will all be gone someday and people take our place. It is a beautiful cycle that I am grateful to participate in.

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38 - Massaman curry

You wouldn't believe the mess.

Made Massaman Curry today and I think it turned out great. The mess came not because it is a super difficult recipe but because half of our house is packed up and the other half is stacked on counter tops and in the middle of the floor. Good stuff. I opened the two cans of coconut milk with a steak knife which was good to confirm that if we are starving and have lost our can opener, there is a way to open it short of hitting it on the sidewalk. We have a little Asian Market in the area that is amazing. They are so helpful. They taught us how to make this curry and it is our favorite! If you want the recipe then email me. I'm not going to type it up if I don't have to :). swimmin24.7@gmail.com.

I am grateful for Massaman Curry!

Masman isn't necessarily the most attractive curry...but it is amazing.

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37 - "We would like to hire you."

This time the job search wasn't that long. I have experienced long job searches and they aren't fun. Not at all. Hearing those words though, is just as sweet. Somehow, not only for me but for my family members. Being hired is a strange form of validation. Someone wants you. Someone thinks you are valuable, and you are at least more valuable than the other people you are interviewing with (or at least they think so). Conversely, not getting the job is a little bit of a blow to the ego. For a long time I didn't tell anyone that I was even applying for jobs. I would just bring it up after the fact, when everything was said and done. Who wants to deal with having to answer everybody's question in the negative? For the same reason, it is wise not to tell people that you are pregnant until you are a fair ways into it. Nobody wants to be reminded that they had a miscarriage every time someone asks how its going.

Affirmation is a beautiful thing. I would make a goal to give people the affirmation that getting a new job would provide. I want people in my life to know that they are needed, that they are indispensable. I want those that I love to know that they are better than at least 90% of the people I associate with in a day. Affirming ones importance is a fundamental need for all human beings. Fulfill that need today. Go tell someone that they are important.

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36 - Planning

So we are moving! crazy right. The moving process has been madness. Let me tell you something about by wonderful wife. Most people make 5 or ten year plans, and yes, they serve a purpose and show you what direction you are headed. My wife makes a 5 year plan and if I would let her she would probably buy calendars for the next 5 years and start making meal plans. Yes, it is the brunt of a lot of jokes.

Well right now I am actually very grateful for her planning. We have managed to get the majority of our apartment cleaned up little by little every day. I expect when the actual move day comes it will be a fairly simple ordeal and relatively painless. I will let you know how that went, but right now, I am grateful that Madison plans so thoroughly.

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35 - Forgiveness

Guilt, biting. 

Anger, burning. 

Humility, aching.

Gratitude, stirring.

Repentance, cleansing.

In the voyage of the dawn treader by C.S. Lewis there is a beautiful account of a young boy named Eustice Scrubb. If you have not read the account you need to. What a beautiful description of repentance and our need to rely on Jesus Christ. 

"I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it -- if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it."

"You mean it spoke?"

"I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last when we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well. . . .

"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know -- if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy -- oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."

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34 - 90's music

These are just a few of the songs that I grew up listening to. Every once in a while you just have to listen to a good ol' throwback.

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33 - Sunsets

Outside the Provo, Utah Temple.

Attending the temple where I get to be near my Father in Heaven is one thing, but walking out the doors to this view was all I could possibly want. The sun was setting and the cirrus clouds were illuminated against the pale blue skyline. Next to me a fountain bubbled and chirped...but down below, the fountain in the distance, held still and flat like a mirror. They seemed to reflect my emotions. Life is crazy, lively, and bubbling, but in this moment I feel calm. Much like the eye of a hurricane,  my soul waits for life to catch up. This moment, a gift from God, is calm, like the fountain, and like a mirror. A mirror that shows me who I am, what I work for, and why the fountain in front of me is bubbling so actively. I am grateful for the sunset today.

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32 - Mountains

I got out of my car this morning and saw this.

I am so grateful for the mountains in Utah. This is Mount Timpanogos. Breathtaking.

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31 - Swimming

Not from this morning.

Waking up at 5:00 is rarely a pleasant experience, but when you have woken up at 4:00 every morning of High School, you kind of get used to it. Your motivation is further tried when you get a text saying that your swim buddy is sick and not coming. Two choices are presented.

1.) Go back to bed. The path of least resistance. Your muscles are sore from yesterday's workout anyways and it wouldn't be hard to justify a day of rest so that your muscles can recuperate.

2.) Go swim by yourself. Even if only for a half hour, chances are you will be grateful you did.

This morning, luckily I went with option number 2. The water was awesome; cold enough to get your heart pumping, but warm enough to still feel good. The first 500 felt good. Letting my sore muscles take it slow and steady made waking up all worth it. My strokes felt long and relaxed but I could feel that I hadn't been swimming regularly every time I breathe. Yes, this morning I am grateful for swimming.

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30 - Dracula

Bought this copy of Dracula at a yard sale a while back. Never been read. beautiful book. 

Just a couple of my favorite quotes and I have just started the second chapter. This book is masterful!

"Welcome to my house. Come freely, go safely; and leave something of the happiness you bring!"

"Here I am noble, I am boyar; the common people know me and I am master. But a stranger in a strange land, he is no one; men know him not - and to know not is to care not for."

"I have been so long master that I would be master still - or at least that none should be master of me."

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29 - Touch

I have watched a fair amount of TV Shows...some I can recommend and some I can't. I will say to this day that one of my favorites is Prison Break. Prison break has a lot that I love in a TV show, but it is heavy. After Madison and I got married I convinced her to watch it with me and we watched all of the seasons over the next couple months. I loved it as much as I remembered..but it is heavy. I recently tried to watch Burn Notice, and I am trying to avoid the Walking Dead and Breaking Bad because of what I have heard about them. Then I found Touch. Touch couldn't have come at a better time. In each episode a little boy named Jake helps his dad heal the universe by aligning events that could be seen as random. In the end people's lives are healed. Every episode is somehow extremely up-lifting.  The show couldn't have come at a better time.

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28 - Friends

There is that moment when you are walking to your car with a co-worker, a friend, someone that you just enjoy talking to. You know that both of you have places to be and things to do, but you just keep talking. Even after establishing that you have to leave and you start to drift in different directions you keep talking. Always something else to say. Always another comment to be made. Finally, you stop talking because you are simply too far away from each other to keep a conversation, but you intentionally leave the conversation open ended...to be continued another day. I am grateful for friends.

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27 - Sunlight

Wind piercing, cuts through my thin white shirt and chills my skin. Goosebumps ripple down my arms and remind me of bubble wrap. The snow is gone, spring looks like it could be just around the corner...but this wind bodes differently. The clouds in the sky are unthreatening. Like a gray sheet the sky seems veiled from our view. Patches of blue peek through and I smile. Suddenly, and without warning, the sun breaks through. The wind chills me on the left while the sun warms my entire right half. I sigh as the two opposing forces battle. I turn to the sun and close my eyes. Like liquid light, it feels as though I could touch the sun. It warms my face and feels tangible...the exact opposite of rain. I look around and everyone around me is doing the same thing. I am grateful for the Sun.

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26 - People

People are so great. Granted, on a daily basis I get annoyed and frustrated with people, but more often than not it is just because I don't really understand them. My wife and I had the pleasure of going and purchasing some book shelves from a nice woman who was selling them after her dad passed away. This lady, a complete and utter stranger to us was so nice and gave us a nice discount because we were "newlyweds"...give or take a year and a half.

Just a day or so earlier I was teaching Japanese to a group of young people and had the pleasure of working with some youth from Brazil, Denmark, Singapore, and the Philippines. Meeting people, understanding people, and getting to know them takes genuine effort and work but I don't recall ever being sorry for meeting someone new. Great experiences and I am so grateful for people.

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25 - Pointless Holidays

Every year there is someone that I know that complains about holidays. Valentine's day, saint Patricks day, Halloween, you name it, there is always a nay-sayer. Granted, these holidays are more or less pointless. To us, today, in our culture, we may or may not understand or put enough significance to these holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should educate everyone as to why we celebrate the specific holiday and have an extreme return to tradition. I am actually a fan of traditions evolving into something that they could not have been before. Proves we are human or something like that. Anyways, why do we need to hate on these holidays? Why is devoting a day to love that bad? I will admit that I used to hate New Years Resolutions.
"Why in the world do we have to have a specific day set aside to make resolutions? Shouldn't this happen daily, weekly, monthly?"
I was a nay-sayer. You will be happy to know that I have seen the light. For the same reason we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, or any other holiday, we are simply taking advantage of the opportunity to make a day special. Is that such a horrible thing? I know they can be a pain. Buying candy for every kid in your kid's class so that they can give garbage candy back to your child is not ideal. I am grateful for pointless holidays. They give me a reason to be different than I was the day before.

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24 - Uncertainty

"So, one last think I forgot to ask you..."

The voice on the other end of the phone is one that I have grown to like. Nice guy. Nice guy who ultimately will decide what I do professionally for the next 2+ years.

"What is your long term plan? what are you going to do over the next 5, 10, 20 years?"

What am I going to be doing in 5 years? I have my ideas. I expect I will be somewhere in the middle of a masters program with a kid or two. I expect I will be deciding whether I want to stay with this company for the rest of my life or if I should move on. That all of course hinges on whether or not I will get into my program. It depends on whether or not I have done all that I need to in preparation for the portfolio review. It depends on if I really like the major as much as I think I do. It depends.

The uncertainty of not knowing is driving me insane...and I think I am grateful for it.

What is the alternative? I know everything. I see where I am 5, 10, 20 years from now...and then what? I wait, I watch, I am bored. There is a word in Japanese: Manzoku (Mahn-zoe-koo) and it means to be satisfied. My coworker on my mission in Japan always told me not to manzoku. Do not be satisfied with what we have. Always reach for more. I learned the word in a negative context. Manzoku is something that I should not do. I heard it the other day in a good way. I am satisfied. I have enough. My mind was blown. How could the same word be so different in two different situations? I am still puzzling over it. Right now I should be Manzoku. I should Manzoku with what I have, what I know, what God has allotted me. However, if I were to glimpse the future...the Manzoku would turn to something I do not want. I would know what would happen. I would be satisfied with being mediocre because I knew what I would achieve. I am grateful that I am uncertain about the future. It keeps me working for something more. I am satisfied with where I am at. I am satisfied with how much I know and how this journey is progressing. I am so much more grateful that I have uncertainty to keep me working and not letting me be satisfied with mediocrity.

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23 - Spring

My muscles tense as I step through the doorway. The air is cold...but not brisk. In front of me a robin hops along the grass. Noticing me, it cocks it's head, hops a couple more times before flying off over the fence. The air feels different this morning. The temperature is a little warmer; there are birds singing in the trees, and the ground is wet from rain and not snow. These things aside there is something unidentifiable about this morning that can't be described. Spring is coming. It may snow a few more times before flowers start showing up and all signs of winter have gone, but like a roller coaster, the suspenseful climb to the top of the slope is ending and I hover between the climb and the fall. For a couple more weeks we will hover in this taboo of sorts, unsure whether to welcome the spring or say farewell to the winter. I am grateful for Spring.

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22 - Graduation

To move on, to accomplish something and leave it behind. Graduation has become far too synonymous with the end of School. The idea of graduation comes in many different forms. Graduation is leaving a job that you love for a job that will push you to become better. It is the leaving of something that you have outgrown, something that you have mastered. "Graduation" is a happy word, while "moving on"...not so much. The world should recognize and cheer on the day when we move from one phase of life to the next. Just like we once graduated from diapers, training wheels, or pool floaties, moving on is something that we should cherish. Graduation from the single life to being married, just like graduating from High School, should not happen until one is ready. Adding a child to that relationship in the same way is a wonderful transition...but should happen at the right time. The eventual graduation from this life should not mark the leaving, but the mastering. When I leave College, a Job, or this world, I want to graduate from it.

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21 - Paradigm

Amazing, marvelous, actually, that two people who have experienced the exact same event can see it so differently. A rainstorm in the eyes of one may be a gift from God, while through the eyes of another may be a nuisance. "Paradigm shift"the adjusting of one's opinion caused by the recognition of a different point of view. Seeing the world my way, the way I see everything. Occasionally we think that if everyone could see things the same way we did then we might have world peace. Things could be simpler if we all thought the same way. Would there be hatred, discrimination, harsh words, or confusion? Perhaps not. Eliminating the way I see the world so that I can see how you see the world would simplify...but perhaps not improve. What would happen to creativity, love, beauty, skill, and interest if everyone saw the world the same. Would I ever marvel at the creation of another? Would I enjoy a new song or wonder if everyone enjoyed the sunrise like I did? Paradigms make up our personality. Occasionally we blame them for the faults of this life. I would never want to standardize paradigms. It would feel like genocide of the worst kind. I am grateful for paradigms.

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20 - E-mail

Kristen is 21. Kristen lives in California right now volunteering to teach those who are struggling in life about God. I did the same thing in Japan for two years. Serving a missionary is an interesting experience. One of the best a young individual can have. Talking to your family on the phone or Skype happens twice a year. Once on Christmas and once on Mother's day. Other than that, we can write letters or email weekly. Every once in a while, for a few minutes, my sister and I end emailing at the same time and we get to send a couple quick emails in real time. Technology is most definitely a miracle and I know that sending an email is something simple and seemingly unimportant, but when it is the only communication you have from your sister that you haven't seen in months...that little piece of technology can mean the world.

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19 - Kabobs

Winter brings far more than snow, and cold. I know what you are thinking, and it doesn't bring kabobs either. With winter comes an appreciation for all things summer. I love food. Summer brings barbecues and winter brings soups. I may or may not anticipate seasons by their food. The above picture was one of our better adventures.  Shrimp is admittedly better than chicken, but nonetheless right now, I am beginning to realize how grateful I am for kabobs. Just a couple more months and the grills will be back on!

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18 - Sleep

Eyes heavy, breathing slowed, the room is dark and silent. My consciousness however, remains completely alert. My arms and legs tingle restlessly as I toss and turn. Unable to stop my mind and legs from pulsing consistently, I keep my eyes closed willing them to speak to the rest of my body. My wife next to me stirs and it only makes it worse. I control my breathing and tell myself that I must sleep in order to function properly at work tomorrow. This process seems to go on for hours, but when I look at the clock a mere ten minutes has passed. I sigh and roll over again to a new, cold part of the pillow. Maybe this will help. I don't know when it happens, but sometime between my restless legs and the last time I rolled over, I drift out of consciousness.

I prefer to think of this life as a day and death as sleep. Even when I long to go to sleep, it seems I cannot until something this or other worldly, lets me. Sleep however is good, is welcome. I don't know too much about death but I hope and imagine that it would be like sleep, a welcomed reprieve from the thoughts, cares, and worries of this life. I am grateful for Sleep.

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17 - Candidness

Yes, I admit, I did look up the noun form of Candid. As a bonus piece of information, candid in Japanese is arugamama. One of my favorite words to say. Today I was working on my portfolio/application into the Industrial Design program. I met a professor on campus and he took the time to stop and look over what I had so far. This teacher has amazed me. He is always willing to give you feedback and not put it in a way that says "this is how you should do it," but rather a soft "I would be interested to see if it improved when you do this". Contrast that to another teacher that I had last semester and the difference is night and day. One professor would tell you nothing! It was all a big secret and there was no right answer...not even a suggestion. Until I got my grade, and even after sometimes, I had no idea if he liked or hated my work. I am grateful when people don't try to play games and they tell you straight-up what they think.

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16 - Work

Hands are heavy and somehow, so is my heart. A long day has a way of bringing you down for no particular reason. The drive home feels kind of numb and you find yourself day dreaming at times. It would take a lot to get you to care at this point. Why do we do this to ourselves? you wonder, not sure whether you said it out loud or not. You pull into the driveway and lock the car. Each step toward home lifts your heart a little. Walking in through the door brings comfort, peace, and relaxation. Everyone here is happy to see you and all of a sudden you remember. Work is for far more than yourself.

Work provides for not only you but your loved ones as well. Anyone who has gone a long period of time without work will tell you that it is better to have work. It provides a beautiful contrast between relaxation and effort. Too much relaxation causes you to hate it. Without work there would only be the misery of not knowing how good you have it.

Suddenly work doesn't seem so bad, and you almost look forward to it tomorrow.

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15 - Water

Two things that might catch your fancy:

Plant Nanny - Yes, ridiculous, but I have a cute little app to help me keep track of my water intake. It is actually a genius idea. I get to raise little plants and keep myself healthy at the same time. By raising these virtual plants and eventually moving them to my garden I can harvest seeds in order to get different plants. A game with an actual purpose. Love it.

Masaru Emoto - I had a friend insist that I look into this. The miracle of water. When I was thinking about water this came to mind and finally I looked it up. I haven't studied it in very much depth, but I thought you might want to take a look also. Water is an intriguing thing, more or less the life-blood of every human being.

I am grateful for water.

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14 - Madison

Our Honeymoon on Kauai

I don't want this to be all sappy and disgusting so I am going to try and keep this as reasonable as I can and still express my gratitude for my wife.

I married Madison Gordon on August 23, 2012. We more or less grew up together. We didn't date much in High School, but our families had known each other for a long time. She wrote me letters and sent me packages during my two years in Japan, and when I came back she was engaged. You can imagine my dismay. Through a series of difficult and hear-wrenching events, Madison decided to cancel her engagement and we got married. I don't prefer the term home-wrecker...technically there wasn't a home yet.

I feel lucky, grateful, blessed, and indebted when I think of the girl that I will spend the rest of my life with. She is driven, beautiful, smart, and spiritual. We balance each other nicely. I have been known to call her my secretary because she honestly runs my life as well as hers. If we were a business she would be the CEO and I would probably be the janitor just trying to make things run a little smoother. She is studying to be a dental hygienist and will hopefully provide a good second income while I try to get my Masters. She is so excited to be a mother and she is going to be awesome at it. She graduated with a degree in Human Development from Brigham Young University and I am glad at least one of us will know something about babies when the time comes. Anyways, long story short: I am grateful for Madison.

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13 - Lists

The inside cover of The Book of McKay

I have a book. A book of lists.

Preface: This is a book of lists, lists of the most pertinent things for salvation as well as the least. Contained in these lists are the things that make up me for better or for worse. I expect the items in each list to change. Things will be taken away and things will most definitely and frequently be added. This book is for the sole purpose of attempting to preserve those things that I would never think to write anywhere else. Perhaps one day it will become the best summary of me, the Book of Mckay.

I wold like to share the first list in my book of lists:

My Eternal Family - The things I need to do to make sure my family is close forever.

1.) Eat dinner together at the table
2.) Nightly scripture study
3.) Read books aloud as a family
4.) Nightly prayer
5.) Sing together
6.) No TV
7.) Family Home Evening (every Monday)
8.) Board Games!
9.) Show my kids love
10.) Frequent testifying of God's Love
11.) Popcorn and Smoothies (every Sunday)
12.) Lots of Traditions
13.) Love of the Book of Mormon
14.) Scouting
15.) Watch all of General Conference
16.) Let them help even if it is inconvenient
17.) Foster a love of learning
18.) Always reach a little higher
19.) Never discipline in anger

The list continues to grow, but I am sure that if I can work on doing these things with my family we will always be close. If you have any questions about some of these traditions or why we do what we do you can contact me directly at swimmin24.7@gmail.com.

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12 - Cousins

This is my family. No, there are no cousins in the picture but I thought it would be a good visual anyways. I am the 5th of 10 kids in my family. This is a picture of my parents, brothers and sisters, and my nieces and nephews.

I have some cousins that I am close to and some cousins that I rarely see. Cousins are a strange relationship to me. Brothers and sisters, even if they are really close to you in age, are going to be at least in a different grade and have a different circle of friends. Normal friends that you have no relation to are kept because you grow up with them. Either you live in the same community, school boundary, or go to the same church. Cousins, however, can grow up in a completely different town, country, continent, school district, and culture...yet your friendship is more or less expected. Cousins are a testament to the fact that anybody, if they want to, can get along. I have a cousin that I didn't always get along with. He was older than me, cooler than me, and for the longest time I felt like I was just annoying to him (and I probably was). Years later brings us to now and growing up we had little in common outside family get-togethers and sports, yet somewhere in the midst of that, the mere fact that we are cousins has made us best friends.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we believe that we are all brothers and sisters, born spiritually of the same Father in Heaven. This teaching does different things for different people. As for me, I understand that I am a child of God. I am a natural heir to greatness no matter what I struggle with here and now on earth. What if we treated the entire human race as our brothers and sisters. What if we were all something like cousins. What if our friendship to one another was just assumed despite the difference in our background and upbringing. We may not have that much in common, but somehow we make it work because we are family. This is something that I would love to make a regular part of my life. An assumed friendship for the entire human race. We can do it with cousins...why couldn't we do it with others?

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