Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
Sunday, June 1, 2014
As many of you know I have been on a brief sabbatical. Consider this my recommitment to a second go. Life gets busy and things fall by the side. I hope I haven't stopped being grateful, but I decided it is time to start again. There are so many things that we get second chances at and I am grateful for that. I am grateful that no matter what happens we have the chance to commit to being a better person. I can decide at any moment to study more diligently, to love more fully, to pay attention more intently. I have been fascinated lately with the idea of being born again.
The Buddhist believe that at the end of your life you will become either a higher life form or a lower one based on your previous life and actions. This idea is called Umarekawari. It is a compound word taken from the word Umareru (to be Born) and Kawaru (to Change). It is a beautiful idea of life continuing but never the same. Sometimes we need a little push, a little Umarekawari if you will to make us new, give us hope, and change us in some way. I hope to make Umarekawari a daily part of my life as I strive to become, not a high life form, but just a better person in all respects. Here is my best hope of an Umarekawari:
The Buddhist believe that at the end of your life you will become either a higher life form or a lower one based on your previous life and actions. This idea is called Umarekawari. It is a compound word taken from the word Umareru (to be Born) and Kawaru (to Change). It is a beautiful idea of life continuing but never the same. Sometimes we need a little push, a little Umarekawari if you will to make us new, give us hope, and change us in some way. I hope to make Umarekawari a daily part of my life as I strive to become, not a high life form, but just a better person in all respects. Here is my best hope of an Umarekawari:
Saturday, May 31, 2014
The descent to my apartments seemed never-ending. One foot slowly in front of the other, tranquil and lethargic. A sense of urgency longs them to move faster, to be productive. My mind protests. Eyes watering slowly at first, I feel a little numb. There is nothing specific that I yearn for... in fact, I couldn't tell you why I feel the way I do. I change my clothes to exercise and before I start the words to a favorite song come into my mind: "Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray? In the name of Christ your Savior, did you seek for loving favor as a child today? Oh how praying rests the weary." I fall to the floor and have a good long conversation with my savior.
I know that God is there listening to me. I know that my Savior Jesus Christ is always ready to save. Prayer is the only reason I have this assurance and I glory in it.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
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| Bought some cards for them to sign :) |
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| What a nice guy. |
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
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Sunday, March 9, 2014
Fifteen minutes before church starts and we are making our way toward the door. It creaks behind us and we are outside in the shadow of our house. The air is a little brisk, but comfortable in a way. Stepping out into the sun is exhilarating. The sudden rise in temperature is both welcome and needed. A cool breeze is blowing and we feel as though church should be held outside as well. There are four of us trekking down the road about a quarter mile to the church. Step after step I think less about being on time and more and more about the beautiful scenery that surrounds us. I feel as though I have been cooped up indoors for the last several months. Right now, however, the air seems sweeter than it has been. I am grateful for my feet that can carry me to Church on this beautiful morning.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Why does it seem like nothing in the world gets done until the weekend? Crazy how life just seems to pile up day after day like dirt on the floor until the one day that you can clear it away and start again fresh. What truly baffles me is that it happens day after day in the same exact pattern. Maybe I can offer some suggestions that will improve your Saturdays just a little bit:
1.) Never go to Walmart at Midnight - People don't like shopping on Sunday. I am actually ardently opposed to it. Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy and all that kind of prohibits shopping on Sunday. This must be the case with other people as well because it was a madhouse on Saturday evening.
2.) Wake up Early - I know you don't want to hear it, but getting up early actually makes your day longer and a lot more productive.
3.) Plan out your day - Saturdays are notorious for being unplanned madness. There is always a lot to do, but we take a strange pride in not budgeting our time...thus adding to the craziness.
I am grateful for saturdays, but they need to be done right. Maybe these help, maybe they don't. I know they help me though, so give them a try.
1.) Never go to Walmart at Midnight - People don't like shopping on Sunday. I am actually ardently opposed to it. Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy and all that kind of prohibits shopping on Sunday. This must be the case with other people as well because it was a madhouse on Saturday evening.
2.) Wake up Early - I know you don't want to hear it, but getting up early actually makes your day longer and a lot more productive.
3.) Plan out your day - Saturdays are notorious for being unplanned madness. There is always a lot to do, but we take a strange pride in not budgeting our time...thus adding to the craziness.
I am grateful for saturdays, but they need to be done right. Maybe these help, maybe they don't. I know they help me though, so give them a try.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Weird, I know, but you have to have one of these every once in a while right? I was walking back to my car and thinking about how I used my fingernails that day. Think about how badly our fingers would hurt all the time if we didn't have something as simple as fingernails to scrape, push, guard, and cushion. We would constantly be feeling our bones pushing on the tender tips of our fingers. Strange, yes, but I am grateful for my fingernails.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
So I got a new job right? Well, I was hired to run a laser cutter to engrave trophies. In order to integrate myself to the office and the process of things I have started with the polishing and assembling of trophies. The more I think about it, the more I think trophies are kind of pointless. I have gotten a certain number of ribbons and trophies in my life and they are sitting in a box getting dusty. The more I think about it though, the more I am grateful that something of that nature exists. I think it could be done a little more...how could I say...usefully? Isn't it wonderful to have a little trinket or something to remind you of a good experience or time in your life? I have a good friend who would always say: "take a picture to remember this moment." Great philosophy.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Head down, hands full. I shuffle over the damp asphalt dodging the puddles and glancing back and forth for cars that might drive too close to the sidewalk. I tuck my portfolio a little tighter under my arm and shuffle faster. The contents of the case feels more precious to me than almost anything else at this moment. I get lost in thought as I imagine another student with head down bumping into me, sending the precious pages of my portfolio into the rainwater surrounding me. finally arriving at the car I heave a deep sigh and sit. I want to stay here. I want to sit and listen to the rain play a gentle melody on my windshield as I drift off to sleep. In my rearview mirror I can see a car idling, waiting for my parking spot. I sigh. There seems to be no rest. It is just as well though, I have to get to work anyways. Work drags on. I want to be present, involved, and energetic...but sometimes I feel as though I am just putting on the face, while inside all I want to do is sit alone for a moment. I wonder where these feelings come from. Perhaps a lack of sleep has gotten me to a state of some kind of mild delirium. I sigh as the clock ticks away. It is only 7:00 and I feel as though I will collapse at any moment. There are still things to be done. Clothes to fold, boxes to unpack, and Dracula is sitting next to me, the bookmark in the middle of a chapter. Sigh. I am grateful for the hope that tomorrow might be different. I am grateful for the chance I have to maybe look at something outside myself; to change my attitude, adjust my paradigm, and see the world in a new light. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
Monday, March 3, 2014
Yesterday I was thinking about some people that I haven't seen in a while and I made a kind of sub-conscious commitment to get back in touch with them. Sad, but one of these people is my cousin. How I have gone this long not seeing or talking to him is beyond me. The other happens to be a good High School friend by the name of Devin Flory. When we both left on our separate missions we knew it would be a good four years before we would see each other again. After those four years we met up long enough for me to meet his wife and that was just about it. Today I called him. Best thing I have done in a while. We just talked about life, things that we were planning, things that we were hoping. I had forgotten how long it had been and somehow it was as easy as it had ever been to talk to him. Great guy that I hope I can somehow keep in contact with throughout the rest of my life even though it is practically guaranteed that we will live very far away from each other for the majority of our lives, I am so grateful that I was able to get back in contact with him.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
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| Though this is only half of the kids, I think I have a super awesome family. |
1.) Cooking everyone breakfast so we would be on time to church and everyone would wake up to the smell of german pancakes, amish oatmeal, or hash browns.
2.) Doing her personal scripture study. Sometimes I felt bad interrupting this time because my Mom had little to no time to herself which is why she was up so early these Sunday mornings. I was never shooed away or told to entertain myself while she finished her study. Generally we would just sit an talk about Jesus Christ, church, life, or just about anything that came up until my Mom would look at her watch and give a little gasp.
"Go wake up your siblings, we are going to be late to church."
To this day I remember how she sacrificed her time and study to give me attention. I am so grateful for my mother.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
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We are moved in! let me just tell you about our night. We are sitting in the basement and we had just been talking about how we would want to replace the rug at some point because it was old and kind of dark. We wanted something a little bit lighter to brighten up the room. Our wonderful new landlords even said that if we found a good deal then they would buy it for the apartment. We were getting really discouraged in our search because we needed a big one (around 7x10) and anything better than what we had was around $300.00. I had looked earlier that day for one on KSL Classifieds but it hadn't looked too promising. We decided to take another look and the first one that popped up was an 8x11 chevron patterned run that already matched our apartment and it had been posted less than an hour before. We called and told them that we wanted it and by the time we got there to look at it she had had three other people call and say that if we didn't want it then they did.
This post is saying that I am grateful for KSL Classifieds, but honest truth, it was God that made this happen. The timing was perfect and I know it wasn't us. I am grateful for KSL, but more than that I am grateful that God works to help us out with things that aren't the most crucial, but are important to us. It just made the perfect end to this long day of moving and helped us feel a little more like we have a home.
Friday, February 28, 2014
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| Making zucchini boats with brother and sister in law in our old apartment. |
Our living arrangements over the last year and a half have been amazing. I loved our ward, the community, our landlords, location, everything. Sometimes nature just demands change. In our case, a little more space was needed. So when the opportunity arose, we decided to make the move. I am not grateful that we are moving for any specific reason, but more than anything, I am grateful for the idea of moving. Allow me to explain: Moving is a pain. I want to move as little as I have to in my life. However, think about the idea of moving. I can pack up practically everything that I own, place it in a trailer, and head to a new location where I will meet new people, see new things, and have new experiences. I guess more than anything I enjoy the opportunity to meet new people. I feel like moving has to happen sometimes just to remind us that we are a small part of this world and in the end we will all be gone someday and people take our place. It is a beautiful cycle that I am grateful to participate in.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
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| You wouldn't believe the mess. |
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
This time the job search wasn't that long. I have experienced long job searches and they aren't fun. Not at all. Hearing those words though, is just as sweet. Somehow, not only for me but for my family members. Being hired is a strange form of validation. Someone wants you. Someone thinks you are valuable, and you are at least more valuable than the other people you are interviewing with (or at least they think so). Conversely, not getting the job is a little bit of a blow to the ego. For a long time I didn't tell anyone that I was even applying for jobs. I would just bring it up after the fact, when everything was said and done. Who wants to deal with having to answer everybody's question in the negative? For the same reason, it is wise not to tell people that you are pregnant until you are a fair ways into it. Nobody wants to be reminded that they had a miscarriage every time someone asks how its going.
Affirmation is a beautiful thing. I would make a goal to give people the affirmation that getting a new job would provide. I want people in my life to know that they are needed, that they are indispensable. I want those that I love to know that they are better than at least 90% of the people I associate with in a day. Affirming ones importance is a fundamental need for all human beings. Fulfill that need today. Go tell someone that they are important.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
So we are moving! crazy right. The moving process has been madness. Let me tell you something about by wonderful wife. Most people make 5 or ten year plans, and yes, they serve a purpose and show you what direction you are headed. My wife makes a 5 year plan and if I would let her she would probably buy calendars for the next 5 years and start making meal plans. Yes, it is the brunt of a lot of jokes.
Well right now I am actually very grateful for her planning. We have managed to get the majority of our apartment cleaned up little by little every day. I expect when the actual move day comes it will be a fairly simple ordeal and relatively painless. I will let you know how that went, but right now, I am grateful that Madison plans so thoroughly.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Guilt, biting.
Anger, burning.
Humility, aching.
Gratitude, stirring.
Repentance, cleansing.
In the voyage of the dawn treader by C.S. Lewis there is a beautiful account of a young boy named Eustice Scrubb. If you have not read the account you need to. What a beautiful description of repentance and our need to rely on Jesus Christ.
"I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it -- if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it."
"You mean it spoke?"
"I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last when we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well. . . .
"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.
"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know -- if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy -- oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."
"I know exactly what you mean," said Edmund.
"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off -- just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt -- and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me -- I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on -- and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again."
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
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| Outside the Provo, Utah Temple. |
Friday, February 21, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
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| Not from this morning. |
1.) Go back to bed. The path of least resistance. Your muscles are sore from yesterday's workout anyways and it wouldn't be hard to justify a day of rest so that your muscles can recuperate.
2.) Go swim by yourself. Even if only for a half hour, chances are you will be grateful you did.
This morning, luckily I went with option number 2. The water was awesome; cold enough to get your heart pumping, but warm enough to still feel good. The first 500 felt good. Letting my sore muscles take it slow and steady made waking up all worth it. My strokes felt long and relaxed but I could feel that I hadn't been swimming regularly every time I breathe. Yes, this morning I am grateful for swimming.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
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| Bought this copy of Dracula at a yard sale a while back. Never been read. beautiful book. |
"Welcome to my house. Come freely, go safely; and leave something of the happiness you bring!"
"Here I am noble, I am boyar; the common people know me and I am master. But a stranger in a strange land, he is no one; men know him not - and to know not is to care not for."
"I have been so long master that I would be master still - or at least that none should be master of me."
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
I have watched a fair amount of TV Shows...some I can recommend and some I can't. I will say to this day that one of my favorites is Prison Break. Prison break has a lot that I love in a TV show, but it is heavy. After Madison and I got married I convinced her to watch it with me and we watched all of the seasons over the next couple months. I loved it as much as I remembered..but it is heavy. I recently tried to watch Burn Notice, and I am trying to avoid the Walking Dead and Breaking Bad because of what I have heard about them. Then I found Touch. Touch couldn't have come at a better time. In each episode a little boy named Jake helps his dad heal the universe by aligning events that could be seen as random. In the end people's lives are healed. Every episode is somehow extremely up-lifting. The show couldn't have come at a better time.
Monday, February 17, 2014
There is that moment when you are walking to your car with a co-worker, a friend, someone that you just enjoy talking to. You know that both of you have places to be and things to do, but you just keep talking. Even after establishing that you have to leave and you start to drift in different directions you keep talking. Always something else to say. Always another comment to be made. Finally, you stop talking because you are simply too far away from each other to keep a conversation, but you intentionally leave the conversation open ended...to be continued another day. I am grateful for friends.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Wind piercing, cuts through my thin white shirt and chills my skin. Goosebumps ripple down my arms and remind me of bubble wrap. The snow is gone, spring looks like it could be just around the corner...but this wind bodes differently. The clouds in the sky are unthreatening. Like a gray sheet the sky seems veiled from our view. Patches of blue peek through and I smile. Suddenly, and without warning, the sun breaks through. The wind chills me on the left while the sun warms my entire right half. I sigh as the two opposing forces battle. I turn to the sun and close my eyes. Like liquid light, it feels as though I could touch the sun. It warms my face and feels tangible...the exact opposite of rain. I look around and everyone around me is doing the same thing. I am grateful for the Sun.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
People are so great. Granted, on a daily basis I get annoyed and frustrated with people, but more often than not it is just because I don't really understand them. My wife and I had the pleasure of going and purchasing some book shelves from a nice woman who was selling them after her dad passed away. This lady, a complete and utter stranger to us was so nice and gave us a nice discount because we were "newlyweds"...give or take a year and a half.
Just a day or so earlier I was teaching Japanese to a group of young people and had the pleasure of working with some youth from Brazil, Denmark, Singapore, and the Philippines. Meeting people, understanding people, and getting to know them takes genuine effort and work but I don't recall ever being sorry for meeting someone new. Great experiences and I am so grateful for people.
Just a day or so earlier I was teaching Japanese to a group of young people and had the pleasure of working with some youth from Brazil, Denmark, Singapore, and the Philippines. Meeting people, understanding people, and getting to know them takes genuine effort and work but I don't recall ever being sorry for meeting someone new. Great experiences and I am so grateful for people.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Every year there is someone that I know that complains about holidays. Valentine's day, saint Patricks day, Halloween, you name it, there is always a nay-sayer. Granted, these holidays are more or less pointless. To us, today, in our culture, we may or may not understand or put enough significance to these holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should educate everyone as to why we celebrate the specific holiday and have an extreme return to tradition. I am actually a fan of traditions evolving into something that they could not have been before. Proves we are human or something like that. Anyways, why do we need to hate on these holidays? Why is devoting a day to love that bad? I will admit that I used to hate New Years Resolutions.
"Why in the world do we have to have a specific day set aside to make resolutions? Shouldn't this happen daily, weekly, monthly?"
I was a nay-sayer. You will be happy to know that I have seen the light. For the same reason we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, or any other holiday, we are simply taking advantage of the opportunity to make a day special. Is that such a horrible thing? I know they can be a pain. Buying candy for every kid in your kid's class so that they can give garbage candy back to your child is not ideal. I am grateful for pointless holidays. They give me a reason to be different than I was the day before.
"Why in the world do we have to have a specific day set aside to make resolutions? Shouldn't this happen daily, weekly, monthly?"
I was a nay-sayer. You will be happy to know that I have seen the light. For the same reason we celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, or any other holiday, we are simply taking advantage of the opportunity to make a day special. Is that such a horrible thing? I know they can be a pain. Buying candy for every kid in your kid's class so that they can give garbage candy back to your child is not ideal. I am grateful for pointless holidays. They give me a reason to be different than I was the day before.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
"So, one last think I forgot to ask you..."
The voice on the other end of the phone is one that I have grown to like. Nice guy. Nice guy who ultimately will decide what I do professionally for the next 2+ years.
"What is your long term plan? what are you going to do over the next 5, 10, 20 years?"
What am I going to be doing in 5 years? I have my ideas. I expect I will be somewhere in the middle of a masters program with a kid or two. I expect I will be deciding whether I want to stay with this company for the rest of my life or if I should move on. That all of course hinges on whether or not I will get into my program. It depends on whether or not I have done all that I need to in preparation for the portfolio review. It depends on if I really like the major as much as I think I do. It depends.
The uncertainty of not knowing is driving me insane...and I think I am grateful for it.
What is the alternative? I know everything. I see where I am 5, 10, 20 years from now...and then what? I wait, I watch, I am bored. There is a word in Japanese: Manzoku (Mahn-zoe-koo) and it means to be satisfied. My coworker on my mission in Japan always told me not to manzoku. Do not be satisfied with what we have. Always reach for more. I learned the word in a negative context. Manzoku is something that I should not do. I heard it the other day in a good way. I am satisfied. I have enough. My mind was blown. How could the same word be so different in two different situations? I am still puzzling over it. Right now I should be Manzoku. I should Manzoku with what I have, what I know, what God has allotted me. However, if I were to glimpse the future...the Manzoku would turn to something I do not want. I would know what would happen. I would be satisfied with being mediocre because I knew what I would achieve. I am grateful that I am uncertain about the future. It keeps me working for something more. I am satisfied with where I am at. I am satisfied with how much I know and how this journey is progressing. I am so much more grateful that I have uncertainty to keep me working and not letting me be satisfied with mediocrity.
The voice on the other end of the phone is one that I have grown to like. Nice guy. Nice guy who ultimately will decide what I do professionally for the next 2+ years.
"What is your long term plan? what are you going to do over the next 5, 10, 20 years?"
What am I going to be doing in 5 years? I have my ideas. I expect I will be somewhere in the middle of a masters program with a kid or two. I expect I will be deciding whether I want to stay with this company for the rest of my life or if I should move on. That all of course hinges on whether or not I will get into my program. It depends on whether or not I have done all that I need to in preparation for the portfolio review. It depends on if I really like the major as much as I think I do. It depends.
The uncertainty of not knowing is driving me insane...and I think I am grateful for it.
What is the alternative? I know everything. I see where I am 5, 10, 20 years from now...and then what? I wait, I watch, I am bored. There is a word in Japanese: Manzoku (Mahn-zoe-koo) and it means to be satisfied. My coworker on my mission in Japan always told me not to manzoku. Do not be satisfied with what we have. Always reach for more. I learned the word in a negative context. Manzoku is something that I should not do. I heard it the other day in a good way. I am satisfied. I have enough. My mind was blown. How could the same word be so different in two different situations? I am still puzzling over it. Right now I should be Manzoku. I should Manzoku with what I have, what I know, what God has allotted me. However, if I were to glimpse the future...the Manzoku would turn to something I do not want. I would know what would happen. I would be satisfied with being mediocre because I knew what I would achieve. I am grateful that I am uncertain about the future. It keeps me working for something more. I am satisfied with where I am at. I am satisfied with how much I know and how this journey is progressing. I am so much more grateful that I have uncertainty to keep me working and not letting me be satisfied with mediocrity.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
My muscles tense as I step through the doorway. The air is cold...but not brisk. In front of me a robin hops along the grass. Noticing me, it cocks it's head, hops a couple more times before flying off over the fence. The air feels different this morning. The temperature is a little warmer; there are birds singing in the trees, and the ground is wet from rain and not snow. These things aside there is something unidentifiable about this morning that can't be described. Spring is coming. It may snow a few more times before flowers start showing up and all signs of winter have gone, but like a roller coaster, the suspenseful climb to the top of the slope is ending and I hover between the climb and the fall. For a couple more weeks we will hover in this taboo of sorts, unsure whether to welcome the spring or say farewell to the winter. I am grateful for Spring.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
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Monday, February 10, 2014
Amazing, marvelous, actually, that two people who have experienced the exact same event can see it so differently. A rainstorm in the eyes of one may be a gift from God, while through the eyes of another may be a nuisance. "Paradigm shift"the adjusting of one's opinion caused by the recognition of a different point of view. Seeing the world my way, the way I see everything. Occasionally we think that if everyone could see things the same way we did then we might have world peace. Things could be simpler if we all thought the same way. Would there be hatred, discrimination, harsh words, or confusion? Perhaps not. Eliminating the way I see the world so that I can see how you see the world would simplify...but perhaps not improve. What would happen to creativity, love, beauty, skill, and interest if everyone saw the world the same. Would I ever marvel at the creation of another? Would I enjoy a new song or wonder if everyone enjoyed the sunrise like I did? Paradigms make up our personality. Occasionally we blame them for the faults of this life. I would never want to standardize paradigms. It would feel like genocide of the worst kind. I am grateful for paradigms.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Kristen is 21. Kristen lives in California right now volunteering to teach those who are struggling in life about God. I did the same thing in Japan for two years. Serving a missionary is an interesting experience. One of the best a young individual can have. Talking to your family on the phone or Skype happens twice a year. Once on Christmas and once on Mother's day. Other than that, we can write letters or email weekly. Every once in a while, for a few minutes, my sister and I end emailing at the same time and we get to send a couple quick emails in real time. Technology is most definitely a miracle and I know that sending an email is something simple and seemingly unimportant, but when it is the only communication you have from your sister that you haven't seen in months...that little piece of technology can mean the world.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
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Friday, February 7, 2014
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Eyes heavy, breathing slowed, the room is dark and silent. My consciousness however, remains completely alert. My arms and legs tingle restlessly as I toss and turn. Unable to stop my mind and legs from pulsing consistently, I keep my eyes closed willing them to speak to the rest of my body. My wife next to me stirs and it only makes it worse. I control my breathing and tell myself that I must sleep in order to function properly at work tomorrow. This process seems to go on for hours, but when I look at the clock a mere ten minutes has passed. I sigh and roll over again to a new, cold part of the pillow. Maybe this will help. I don't know when it happens, but sometime between my restless legs and the last time I rolled over, I drift out of consciousness.
I prefer to think of this life as a day and death as sleep. Even when I long to go to sleep, it seems I cannot until something this or other worldly, lets me. Sleep however is good, is welcome. I don't know too much about death but I hope and imagine that it would be like sleep, a welcomed reprieve from the thoughts, cares, and worries of this life. I am grateful for Sleep.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
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Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Hands are heavy and somehow, so is my heart. A long day has a way of bringing you down for no particular reason. The drive home feels kind of numb and you find yourself day dreaming at times. It would take a lot to get you to care at this point. Why do we do this to ourselves? you wonder, not sure whether you said it out loud or not. You pull into the driveway and lock the car. Each step toward home lifts your heart a little. Walking in through the door brings comfort, peace, and relaxation. Everyone here is happy to see you and all of a sudden you remember. Work is for far more than yourself.
Work provides for not only you but your loved ones as well. Anyone who has gone a long period of time without work will tell you that it is better to have work. It provides a beautiful contrast between relaxation and effort. Too much relaxation causes you to hate it. Without work there would only be the misery of not knowing how good you have it.
Suddenly work doesn't seem so bad, and you almost look forward to it tomorrow.
Work provides for not only you but your loved ones as well. Anyone who has gone a long period of time without work will tell you that it is better to have work. It provides a beautiful contrast between relaxation and effort. Too much relaxation causes you to hate it. Without work there would only be the misery of not knowing how good you have it.
Suddenly work doesn't seem so bad, and you almost look forward to it tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Two things that might catch your fancy:
Plant Nanny - Yes, ridiculous, but I have a cute little app to help me keep track of my water intake. It is actually a genius idea. I get to raise little plants and keep myself healthy at the same time. By raising these virtual plants and eventually moving them to my garden I can harvest seeds in order to get different plants. A game with an actual purpose. Love it.
Masaru Emoto - I had a friend insist that I look into this. The miracle of water. When I was thinking about water this came to mind and finally I looked it up. I haven't studied it in very much depth, but I thought you might want to take a look also. Water is an intriguing thing, more or less the life-blood of every human being.
I am grateful for water.
Plant Nanny - Yes, ridiculous, but I have a cute little app to help me keep track of my water intake. It is actually a genius idea. I get to raise little plants and keep myself healthy at the same time. By raising these virtual plants and eventually moving them to my garden I can harvest seeds in order to get different plants. A game with an actual purpose. Love it.
Masaru Emoto - I had a friend insist that I look into this. The miracle of water. When I was thinking about water this came to mind and finally I looked it up. I haven't studied it in very much depth, but I thought you might want to take a look also. Water is an intriguing thing, more or less the life-blood of every human being.
I am grateful for water.
Monday, February 3, 2014
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| Our Honeymoon on Kauai |
I married Madison Gordon on August 23, 2012. We more or less grew up together. We didn't date much in High School, but our families had known each other for a long time. She wrote me letters and sent me packages during my two years in Japan, and when I came back she was engaged. You can imagine my dismay. Through a series of difficult and hear-wrenching events, Madison decided to cancel her engagement and we got married. I don't prefer the term home-wrecker...technically there wasn't a home yet.
I feel lucky, grateful, blessed, and indebted when I think of the girl that I will spend the rest of my life with. She is driven, beautiful, smart, and spiritual. We balance each other nicely. I have been known to call her my secretary because she honestly runs my life as well as hers. If we were a business she would be the CEO and I would probably be the janitor just trying to make things run a little smoother. She is studying to be a dental hygienist and will hopefully provide a good second income while I try to get my Masters. She is so excited to be a mother and she is going to be awesome at it. She graduated with a degree in Human Development from Brigham Young University and I am glad at least one of us will know something about babies when the time comes. Anyways, long story short: I am grateful for Madison.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
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| The inside cover of The Book of McKay |
Preface: This is a book of lists, lists of the most pertinent things for salvation as well as the least. Contained in these lists are the things that make up me for better or for worse. I expect the items in each list to change. Things will be taken away and things will most definitely and frequently be added. This book is for the sole purpose of attempting to preserve those things that I would never think to write anywhere else. Perhaps one day it will become the best summary of me, the Book of Mckay.
I wold like to share the first list in my book of lists:
My Eternal Family - The things I need to do to make sure my family is close forever.
1.) Eat dinner together at the table
2.) Nightly scripture study
3.) Read books aloud as a family
4.) Nightly prayer
5.) Sing together
6.) No TV
7.) Family Home Evening (every Monday)
8.) Board Games!
9.) Show my kids love
10.) Frequent testifying of God's Love
11.) Popcorn and Smoothies (every Sunday)
12.) Lots of Traditions
13.) Love of the Book of Mormon
14.) Scouting
15.) Watch all of General Conference
16.) Let them help even if it is inconvenient
17.) Foster a love of learning
18.) Always reach a little higher
19.) Never discipline in anger
The list continues to grow, but I am sure that if I can work on doing these things with my family we will always be close. If you have any questions about some of these traditions or why we do what we do you can contact me directly at swimmin24.7@gmail.com.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
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| This is my family. No, there are no cousins in the picture but I thought it would be a good visual anyways. I am the 5th of 10 kids in my family. This is a picture of my parents, brothers and sisters, and my nieces and nephews. |
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we believe that we are all brothers and sisters, born spiritually of the same Father in Heaven. This teaching does different things for different people. As for me, I understand that I am a child of God. I am a natural heir to greatness no matter what I struggle with here and now on earth. What if we treated the entire human race as our brothers and sisters. What if we were all something like cousins. What if our friendship to one another was just assumed despite the difference in our background and upbringing. We may not have that much in common, but somehow we make it work because we are family. This is something that I would love to make a regular part of my life. An assumed friendship for the entire human race. We can do it with cousins...why couldn't we do it with others?
Friday, January 31, 2014
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| As he was given to me... |
I tend to think of our lives in a similar way. There is a point when we need to make changes, fix things, and be better. Those changes are welcomed and necessary. We cannot let ourselves get overgrown and out of control because all desires and passion should be kept within appropriate bounds. I also think there is something to say for the overworked life. There is a point when we have to step back and realize that we have done what we can and it is time to accept some things that cannot be changed before we are left with only a trunk. The Japanese have a very interesting theory of nature. Nature is perfection, but it needs mankind's help to be its optimum. We cannot reach perfection. Nature can, but it needs our help. I can't decide whether or not I agree, but an interesting idea nonetheless. I am grateful for Herbert...my 16 year-old bonsai tree.
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| Part-way through the trimming process. |
Thursday, January 30, 2014
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| I didn't attend the San Diego Temple today (pictured above) but this is one of my favorites. |
I am grateful for these chances that I have to come closer to my God. I am grateful for temples and the things that I learn there every time. The message is always the same, but what I walk away with is almost always different. If you have noticed these temples they are beautiful works of art. Mormons aren't trying to make a statement or prove to the world that we can build impressive buildings. We build these as a demonstration of our loyalty to God. These buildings are built to perfection with no corners cut. They stand as a reminder to me that I should live my life in a similar way, no corners cut, devoting my finest resources to my Father in Heaven.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Quite possibly one of the most delicious things in the world is also one of the most unbecoming. Taiyaki: A fish-shaped pancake filled with red bean paste, custard, or any number of delicious fillings. Personally my favorite was custard. However, if we are talking about savory Taiyaki I once had a delicious potato and bacon. I don't know that I can even write anything here that will describe how delicious they are. My one recommendation: put these on your bucket list.
Monday, January 27, 2014
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Being unaccustomed to roasting garlic, sometimes I fry it, press it, or even steam it. The affect it had on my apartment could not have been anticipated. I expect I should bask in the perfume for weeks. After successfully roasting the four bulbs for over an hour, they slipped gracefully out of their skins and into my artisan bread...but that is gratitude for another day. I am grateful for Garlic.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
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| You should notice the bad guy in the stomach of our vampire dog. |
I was sitting in church when a the little boy of a family that I am familiar with in the community wandered into class. I knew that his Dad was away in Florida tending to his Father who would most likely pass away in the next couple of days. He looked sad as he surveyed the room and seemed to remember that his Dad would not be there. I caught his eye and motioned to the seat next to me. He came over and took a seat next to me and settled in. I asked Sam why he was here and not with his friends in class. This sweet little five-year-old proceeded to tell me that his friend had made fun of him in the bathroom and he didn't want to go back to class. I told him that it was okay if he wanted to stay here with me.
We spent the next 40 minutes or so drawing in my sketch book. He drew us both with bows and "Robin Hood hats" and a vampire dog that eats the bad guys whole. I turned to take my pack of gum from a 1-year-old that had wandered over and when I looked back, Sam was drawing on a new page of my sketchbook. There were two stick figures with about 10 hearts floating above them.
"This is you and me. We love each other." he said as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"That's kind of weird," I say, not sure how to respond.
"No It's not, because you and me are family!" I felt like I could cry. "I already miss my Dad. He is in Florida because Grandpa is dying. He will probably stay there until Grandpa is in the ground, all dead." I put my arm around him. Once again I was speechless. I continue to listen to the instructor as he talks about the trials of life.
"We deal with a lot of crap in this life," the instructor says. To which Sam pipes up in his loudest voice: "Crap is a bad word!" I knew then and there that I was so grateful for Kids.
I am grateful that they aren't afraid to stand up for what they know is right. I am grateful that they talk openly and freely about their feelings. I am grateful that I had the chance to commit to being a better person because of the example I saw from 5-year-old Sam.
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| He made sure to draw us in a house to show that we are a family. Also it seemed fitting that Baby Jesus would be there in the bottom left-hand corner. |
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Some may call it intimidating, nerve racking, or even daunting, but to me there is a lot more involved in a blank sheet of crisp, white paper. I'm not perfect, nor do I think I ever will be. As an artist I have soiled so many pieces of white paper I could scarcely begin to count them. I experience the same hesitation that many must face when they put their freshly sharpened pencil to a flawless piece of paper. Erasers exist and that helps, but everyone knows that an eraser cannot restore a paper to it's initial beauty...no matter how good the eraser.
When I first started studying watercolor I faced a dilemma: Though you did have white pigment, there was no way to get it back to the white of the paper. If you want a true white, you had to plan on it from the beginning. Pressure. As layer after layer of pigment built up on the sheet, using the water as its vehicle, you could see the whites get dimmer and dimmer, tainted by the layers.
Today a white page to me means a fresh start, something that has no definitions or boundaries. Like waking up in the morning, that page has nothing but what I decide to put on it. I am reminded of the freedom that I enjoy and the ability that I have to make something that wasn't there before. It reminds me of what it means to be human. We are creative by nature, something that nobody can take away. When I see a blank page I remember that there is the possibility for failure as well as success. Through the years I have learned to be proud of my failures and rejoice in the process of becoming. On any page there are bound to be mistakes, but there is always the promise of another page to follow.
For all of you Christians out there, a new page is repentance, a new start granted me by my Savior Jesus Christ. I have the chance to move on from what I have done and start again. Those pages that I wish never to see again remain as a lesson learned from but they do not cumber the page that I have for today. I will be forever grateful for the chance that I have to start anew, fresh and untainted. This is something that is only made possible through my Savior. A Blank Page.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Tap, tap, tap...the window pane beckons.
Glance. It's getting darker.
Clouds roll in slowly, gathering mass like the base of a snowman pushed slowly...but steadily.
Flash. In the distance and seconds later it sounds as though they were trumpets announcing the fanfare of her arrival. Homework abandoned, standing on the hot pavement. Waiting, watching. The ground is speckled with the first evidences. The smell has been here longer than expected. A mixture of earth and moisture caked together into an aroma that cannot be duplicated. Drops land, like icing, on the world below making barely any sound individually, but rising to a beautiful cacophony resonating from any and all directions. The world grows heavy and draws a labored breath. Releasing, steam rises from the ground and adds its gentle perfume. Like white noise, nothing can be heard, but there is no silence. The mind clears and thoughts come quickly. Puddles gather as the festivities continue. The sound fades, the air clears, the clouds part, and silence pervades. The world holds it's breath now, waiting for the next chance it will have to celebrate the rain.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
I'm not normally one for running...especially during the winter; but a pair of hand me down shoes and a little motivation is all you need to get a good workout and I can't really argue with the convenience. The air is biting but the sun is out and the resultant dichotomy is breathtaking. A few walking steps before I push off of my right foot into a gentle jog. For a few minutes I feel like I could run forever. If we didn't get tired would we all run everywhere? Would walking gradually fade away and die? This feeling of wind blowing past your ears, legs churning either keeping up with the ground or the ground keeping up with you is exhilarating. The rhythmic thud, thud of my feet against the pavement is barely audible above the pulsing music of my headphones. It isn't long before I slow my pace and remember why I don't keep running forever.
The Sun is setting now and the air is getting more brisk, but the heat inside my chest, and legs feels like it would burn through my skin at any moment. I round the corner to my destination and slow to a gentle speed walk. My legs are stiff and for a moment I wish I could keep going. Tired and achy, my body is longing to lie down and rest but I know I should keep walking. I feel a deep sadness for those that have never felt the exhilaration of a good run, a healthy body. I smile and think of the day when everyone will receive their perfect bodies, when those who have never run will run and those who have lived with chronic pain will enjoy their reprieve. I am reminded that this life is a mere blink in the scope of eternity.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
It happens in the darkness,
when all is calm and still,
when people, places, words, and rhymes,
come creeping o'er the sill.
I cannot help but welcome,
the good, the bad, and strange.
For deep in these recesses
my fondest friends, they came.
They dance upon my conscious,
play games with my insides,
but although the dawn breaks slowly,
they quickly run and hide.
I cannot keep them near me,
so rarely they return,
but recorded in my notebook,
their names I slowly learn.
Theres a friendly one who visits,
realism is a fright,
but of them all I cherish most,
the future and the light.
So come my friends I beg you,
come and visit soon,
though different shapes you surely take,
I wait by light of moon.
I love dreams. I can't really explain why, but I love the bad ones almost just as much as the good. Sometimes a bad dream is exactly what you need to be grateful for what you have. Sometimes the fear that you feel in a dream is so potent it gives you the contrast to enjoy the good. I have heard it said joy and pain are like a pendulum. You cannot experience joy exceeding the amount of pain you have experienced. I don't know if I would go that far, but I know that on occasion I wake and instead of regretting the dream, I simply let the feelings run their course and look forward to dreams to come. My favorite dreams are those that give me a glimpse into the future. I believe in them though many may not. I believe that on a regular basis we are granted a fleeting glimpse into what will be. I love those ones.
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